All about Mothers Day (Part 2)

Baby # 2

After becoming a Mum for the first time on Mothers Day 2004, and a few years later moving back to NZ from Sydney, I doubted I'd ever repeat this.

But no, 7 years later it looked like I was to become a Mum again.  This time, however would be very different.

This baby, conceived ...

after I had been told I wouldn't be able to conceive naturally, was already a miracle.  Thoughts of him took over my world, it would be incredible to give my son a sibling.  I appreciated this pregnancy, so different from the first, when I had expected it would happen easily.  I had no experience of difficulties in conceiving, or doubts that it would ever be.  This baby, I never thought would be, but here he was.

This time, I appreciated ...

the fact I was pregnant.  I loved my belly.  This time I'd become a Mum again, but not in the way I'd expected.

Angel Mum ...  

This pregnancy, led me to become an Angel Mum.  My baby, Koby, was not meant for this Earth.  Perhaps he knew all he needed already, and he could not stay.  

This baby, I got to bring home.  But he didn't cry.  He didn't need bathing, feeding or burping.   I didn't know how to parent him in the short time we had him at home.  I didn't understand how this could be possible.  How was he not safe inside me ?  Why had he died ?  What kind of Mum was I if I couldn't safely protect my baby? 

This was not the motherhood I wanted.  Yet here I was.  Mum to an Angel Baby.

A different Mum ...

Still a Mum.  But my baby wasn't here on Earth.  Mum to a child no-one can see.  Mum to a child no-one talks about.  Mum to a child who will never grow up.  Still a Mum.  Now a Mum of 2.