Baby Loss - my story - Koby we miss you x
I was in my 40's and had been told I wouldn't be able to conceive naturally. My first child I had in my early 30's, and my husband had 2 children from a previous relationship. We had given up on being able to have our own baby, then to our surprise just after we moved to the house we are in now, we found we were going to have a baby together.
Koby was our dream.
After the initial shock (which lasted only a few minutes) excitement settled in. It was also with much excitement we discovered at our 20 week scan that we were having a boy.
It was very scarey when I was admitted to hospital at 22 weeks, and even more scarey when 2 days later my waters broke. Unfortunately there was nothing anyone could do and 5 days later, after a 7 hour labour, Koby was born still, at 23 weeks and 1 day.
This was truly the worst days of our lives. There is nothing on this earth like losing your baby, holding your baby in your arms knowing that you will never get to see them grow up. Never get to see the kind of person they will be. Its a long journey, and I don't think we will ever make it back to 'normal'. Its a new normal for us now.
As the months, and now years pass, not a day goes by when I don't think of him. He is and always will be a part of our lives, included in our family rituals, and spoken about regularly.
One of the hardest things, as time goes on, is other people forgetting, (or seeming to forget) or not including your baby or child. Please, if you know someone who has lost a baby please do include their baby eg - adding their name in Christmas cards and or just mentioning their name makes a huge difference to the person grieving. Remembering babies birth/death day and sending a wee card, or even a text or Facebook message, will mean more than you can imagine. Even if you don't understand it (which makes you really lucky), the fact you are acknowledging their baby is an amazing gift to them.
So, while Koby isn't here on earth with us, he is forever in our hearts, and he is my daily inspiration, and the reason and motivation behind my business.
Please, if you ever find yourself in this situation, when you are ready, reach out for help. Just talking to others who 'get it' is a huge help, knowing you aren't alone.